im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
