Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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