Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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