I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize