we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize