good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
