Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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