If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
