She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize