after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
organizing the empties. That sober.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
