He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
