If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize