Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
my poor anus
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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