mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
