her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
