Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
