She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize