Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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