; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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