cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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