You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
