Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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