we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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