I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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