Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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