i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
