yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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