You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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