Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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