i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
