You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
