apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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