I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
