i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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