This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
