i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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