it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
