Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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