Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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