there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
