The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
