Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
