He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You smell like stripper and shame
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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