Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
