If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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