I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
