dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
