@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
birth control should be required to get into college
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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