i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
