DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize