He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
