He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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