toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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