we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
