dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
