i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
