you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
