The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im holly from the hills drunk
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How naked do you want me to be?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
