I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This is my gift to your gina
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
