i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
that's an acceptable place to lick
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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