dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
