You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
