sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
zippers are such a cool invention
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
