Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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