I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
