cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
