Dual....:-)
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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