I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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