It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
