I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
