my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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