Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
