I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
