We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
