Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
