Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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