Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
