ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
