Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
