Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
