First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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