SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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