So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
