it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
