these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just blew my weed a kiss
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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