I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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