everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize