Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
