im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
