Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
