They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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