they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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